On Friendship

I love Teh C Siew Dai!!

Ya and I have immense difficulty titling my posts.

I just don’t know how what to name them.

It looks like I didn’t even try for this post, but I really did.

Trying to avoid cliché stupid titles but then again…

This blog is all about being sappy. And cheery and loving.

I hope you feel the love from my end!

I cannot possibly be blogging about things such as encouraging violence between siblings or promoting self-supremacy, so please pardon my relatively bland topics.

I also do not condone domestic violence and arrogance – just thought this disclaimer is necessary.

I love reading blogs but I don’t really have many (read: any) to read, because it is a dying art and nobody really blogs anymore.

Also because everyone is posting their deep dark thoughts on private dodgy Instagram accounts I do not usually have access to, so…

Ya.

#salty

Dodgy accounts are so refreshing on the carefully-curated feed of Instagram, but why don’t people post irrelevant things more often on their “mains”?

I would really like to see more of your leaky water bottle or awfully-taken photos of what you had for breakfast. Or a 3am rant about how people are ridiculous and how you wished you were a toad instead.

(I love frog legs.)

In case you’re wondering, this space is where such thoughts go for me.

I am so distracted by my own thoughts.

Instagram is truly an entire world of its own.

—

I drafted a post a few weeks back about this (what I am about to write) but the post mysteriously disappeared.. and yes I currently have 31 drafts sitting around and most are half-complete (e.g. my Spain/Andorra trip in 2015).

I also have a list of potential posts (this really exists) I want to write someday, but unfortunately for me, my writing ability is mediocre and I very much depend on ~feels~ to write.

I have come to terms with my limitations: I cannot write eloquently – if I could, I would have dabbled in poetry-writing.

Or haiku-writing.

What dya say? 3 lines 17 syllables?

Pssh 5 / 7 / 5?

My best shot:

How should one begin

To write a proper haiku

I am out of words

LOL I tickle myself sometimes.

When my friends accuse me of being weird, I find myself unable to make a good comeback because I think I’m really a bit dotty. Of course I learnt the art of masking that in typical social settings (I try not to scare people away) but if you were to ask me, my natural default self is being strange and occasionally noisy.

Honestly I don’t think I’d like to be friends with myself… and no, don’t worry, I’m not about to break into a self-loathing rant.

I just think it’d be a bit difficult trying to friend (verb) myself.

Haha just thought it’d be fun to see your responses on this… even though you guys always choose not to… why…………. I wouldn’t know who you are!! :-( Please just humour me la ok. HAHAHA.

—

Sometimes, I wonder how my friends became my friends.

I love asking about people’s first impressions of me – typical response: “nice and sweet, but actually freaking weird” (this is not a nice thing to say)

I am actually a very fluffy person and as I grow older, I realise how fluffy I actually am.. which means I cannot possibly be entirely fluffy. You know what I mean?

Like some people are coconuts.

Tough husk soft flesh.

But I think I’m this:

A Scotch-Brite Flat Mop.

You know why.

HAHAHAHA I laugh too much at my own jokes.

But you get where I’m coming from la ok.

I am not as fluffy as I look.

This is a threat.

(Not really.)

Someone once described me as a Russian Soufflé Cake… at that point I was totally creeped out but I think she wasn’t entirely delusional.

Question I truly have is why Russian???

I am so full of nonsense and I always digress.

Anyway!!

I’m not going to bore you with the MBTI personality tests and stuff, but if you’re someone I don’t know very well: my personality type is INFJ!

Please say hello if you’re also an INFJ.

Please say hello too if you’re not an INFJ.

If you have a lot of time to waste and want to find out more about this “extremely rare” personality type, click here!

I really think a lot of things mentioned are spot-on about me, it’s amazing.

I’m not the kind to obsess over such things la but it was quite interesting for me the first time I read it. And it really doesn’t ever change no matter how many times I take it!

I know there are people who take this way too seriously but it’s just fun to see your personality put into words… that are not 100% accurate, but good enough.

Heh.

There are some days I want to be best friends with everyone in the world, because people are so cool and so complex and so wonderful (by default) but then there are days I just want to roll around at home and hide under my bed.

I find it very difficult to make superficial and silly conversations like such:

• “So where do you stay?”
  “I stay in the storeroom in my house!”
  “Oh that’s so Harry Potter-esque! Is it under the stairs?”
  “No it’s actually a bomb shelter!”
  “Wow cool!”
• “What does sister do?”
  “She has her own business – she sells rotten bananas. How about your brother?”
  “That’s so exciting. My brother’s job is really boring – he counts how many red cars pass by our house every day.”
  “Why?! Does he enjoy it though?”
  “I dunno… Jobs are stupid. I don’t want to graduate.”
• “What is your favourite food?”
  “I don’t know… if I have to pick one I think I’ll pick apple.”
  “Apples!! That’s so cool, nobody I know would pick apples as their favourite food.”
  “Yeah, because people usually don’t eat their iPhones.”
  “…”
  “…”
  “…”

Sorry I’m having too much fun by myself.

But yes silly conversations drain my battery so much.

I rather much spend my time getting to know you as a person – what are your motivations, beliefs, dreams, deep dark secrets, emotional baggage… than know how long you take to come to school and how many siblings you have.

But I understand that they all come together and people can’t start out diving into such private issues la.

Which is a problem for me making friends because people think I don’t care about they say when I really care… about other things in their lives. But I can’t possibly ask right!

Can you imagine me going: “Hey how depressed are you on a scale from 1 to 10?” 

When I’m talking to people (especially for the first few times), my brain runs at a speed of 1000000 thoughts per minute – What should I ask next? Am I boring? Am I dominating the conversation? This is so tiring I don’t want to do this anymore. 

It’s no fun when you’re an introvert to meet new people, unless you *click*.

And my friends are predominantly female and I still long for the day I meet my gay best friend.

I have imposed this on a couple of innocent parties (most notably, J) and they really aren’t gay in the first place so… there goes nothing.

But I really like to get to know people better than what’s on the surface, but not everybody’s comfortable with divulging crap about themselves they don’t want any old stranger to know, and I often don’t linger long enough to drill a hole.

Apparently I’m also not very reciprocative in terms of conversation when I meet people for the first few times. It’s somewhat explained above. Superficial conversations kill me slowly but yes I know they are completely necessary.

Know that I’m always trying my best ok.

And physical touch and quality time are how I show my love and receive my love… Touch is not the most appropriate thing to do when you meet someone for the first time. Some people don’t like it. And I avoid them at all costs. HAHAHAHAH kidding. My best friend hates it when I touch her but she puts up with it sometimes. Thanks beef. You know I love you. And you can’t really have quality time with people you barely know… can you?

I think people have different ways of getting closer to people, and some people are perfectly satisfied with having friends at a distance (e.g.”I am happy knowing that you have a pet lion and that’s all I want to know about you! DONT TELL ME ABOUT YOUR POOPING PROBLEMS.”) but I crave sincere friendships! I love authentic people.

My mother/sister think I’m “fake” to my friends… because my default self is truly quiet and introspective (which is how I behave at home), but there really are multiple layers to me ok. Like a nutmeg liver. You can uncover them yourself. HAHAHAHAHAHA. This just sounds wrong.

I also have a very weird habit of not looking at people when I’m outside, and sometimes FBN has to tell me “Your friend is waving at you.” before my eyes register said friend, proceed to light up and then you’ll see me returning the greeting. It’s just one of the weird things I do. Please don’t take it personally.

—

I love surrounding myself with happy people because sometimes good vibes are all you need!!

If you’re the kind of person that appears happy on the surface but have loads to worry about, know that you’re not alone – but people who often like to post emotional quotes online like “the saddest people smile the brightest, the prettiest eyes cry the most tears” is no-go for me. I will give you the love you need, please talk to somebody if something is really getting to you. Don’t post this kind of things so people will crawl to you please!!

I love listening to friends and their problems – not because they have problems, but the fact that they confide in me really brings our friendship to the next level. I don’t always give the most sound of advice, but know that I’m always here if you need someone to talk to!

Nobody should have to deal with their sadness alone, but I also understand if bottling things up and compartmentalising your feelings are your compensatory mechanisms.

But when you’re filled to the brim, you gotta empty it somehow!

Keeping it all in only makes you a ticking bomb and ticking bombs are scary.

Anyway bottomline of this post is:

I want to be your friend and I will listen to your woes and cheers.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

It’s not practical to be best friends with everybody (even if that’s what I would like) because relationships take time to nurture, and you always have to give time to people who matter!! You can’t just declare it and expect the other party to do the work.

I often get too comfortable with my friends and it’s soooo easy to take people for granted but lets try not do that.

And also it’s almost impossible to be friends forever with everybody so it’s okay to let a few slip occasionally (in a natural way, don’t fire them). But I’m a super sentimental person and I value all my friendships so don’t fade away!

This post is all over the place but you know what the point of today’s post la huh. ;-)

People are so complex!!!!!!

If you don’t like someone very much, maybe it’s because you don’t know them very well.

Or maybe it’s because you know them too well.

Life is interesting.

HAHAHA good night enjoy the upcoming weekends. <3

Treasure the people around you!!

Send that friend who’s always been around for you a confession text and get together already. Love is love.

I bet you didn’t expect that.

Sorry I’m so full of rubbish but I love seeing people get together.

I think it’s because I assume they are happier together. I really hope they are.

I always tell people to stay happy and healthy in all the cards/notes/letters that I write, not simply to fill up the space – but I think happiness and health are perhaps the most important things in life for you to enjoy it fully. It is not rocket science but it’s so easy to be distracted by other things yes?

So stay happy and healthy and invite me to your weddings when they happen.

Good night! Here’s a virtual hug from me to you if you need it!

P.S. I think I find it very difficult to stick to a schedule. I wanted to post this today because I like how the date looks.

Posted by Hazel & filed under Blabberings, I swear Im doing work while typing this, On My Mind, Sentimental-like. This post has 2 comments.