I’ve found myself at this blank space for quite a few times over the past few weeks – I’ve probably thought overwhelming anxiety will eat me up alive.
These emotions are fleeting, however, and they come as quickly as they go.
It’s really quite bizarre how five letters can be so incredibly haunting – one year ago I remember reading a senior’s blog about her crazy nightmares (which led to tears, but I’m not at that stage of panic yet) and at some point I definitely understood the pressure she was facing because I’m in the exact same situation and it sucks.
I’ve been busy over the past couple of weeks, for serious reasons as well as less serious ones (meeting people I love) and there hasn’t been much time to think about the future… until night time, just before I fall asleep. And it’s scary because so much is unknown!!! Where will I end up…. What will I be doing…. Blablablablabla.
But that being said – I’m not going to keep going on about how pathetic I am la okay – last night I had a sudden epiphany that there are so many other things to be happy about, and that I ought to be thankful for so many things – the people I have around me, especially Momma whom I defo cannot live without, the things I own, the environment I live in… and they really should make me happy and satisfied.
I’ve only just realised how much time I’ve spent brooding and worrying about the future, without truly enjoying every single moment I have. CNY days passed by in a flash (I know, it’s still CNY, but the big-deal days are over) and then I see HC-related pictures and videos and I realised how those 2 years are now part of the past, together with NY days and not to mention TNS days (some teachers are gems, really) and then I think about the future…. just how tiny these once-significant events will be. And that sucks because the present will eventually be reduced to just a minuscule section of my memory bank.
It’s important to cherish every moment, especially when you’re truly happy, because they really do come and quickly as they go. Savour the moment because once it’s over, it’s gone forever, but you can always look forward to other happy moments that can be planned in advance, or completely spontaneous.
I really wish I could write better, and it’s clearly posing as a problem now as I’m trying to churn out a personal statement that really screams me.
Good day, y’all!
P.S. Thank you Momma for the CNBLUE tickets for tonight’s show. I love you.